So today we watched A Cinderella Christmas, and it made me think and feel a lot of things. I might just have ridiculously high standards based on my deep and undying love for all things Disney and fairy-tale-related...who are we kidding, that's totally the case. Nevertheless, this movie was a mix of things, both fine and...not so much.
It starts off pretty predictably, with Angie being bossed around and harassed by her awful cousin Candace, clearly the "evil stepsister" in this story. Angie works with Candace and wants to break out on her own, but she's too afraid. Then there's Nikolaus, the obvious Prince Charming, heir to a grand inheritance. He's famous for some reason, but I can't remember why. He also wants to be "free", but his mumsy tells him he's got some growing up to do, and UH OH, he can’t have his inheritance until he gets married. Because I guess that’s the only way to show you’re a mature human being or something.
There's going to be a “Christmasquerade” ball, which was actually Angie's idea - though Candace has no trouble taking all the credit. Candace is invited to the ball by Nikolaus and Angie is not, but through a weird set of circumstances involving a facial gone wrong, Candace CAN'T POSSIBLY leave the house in her "condition" (her face is red, though it looks like a coat of makeup would probably solve her issue). Angie, of course, winds up getting a gorgeous dress from a purple-haired Mindy Cohn and sneakily attending the ball in Candace's place. Even though she’s supposed to be working the event. I guess her two employees don’t mind doing all the work themselves while she walks around the ball grinning like a weirdo and not talking to anyone.
There's a contest where all the guests bring a stocking filled with 5 personal possessions, and everyone has to choose a different one from the Wall of Socks (that's what I'm dubbing it, anyway). If the person whose stocking you chose also chose yours, you win a prize of some sort. I'm not sure why Angie had already supplied a stocking if she didn't think she was going to the ball, but that's beside the point. As you've almost certainly guessed, she and Nikolaus randomly choose each other's stockings, and the insta-love begins! I mean, it's a Cinderella tale, so whatever, yeah, they fall in love after 3 hours of "knowing" each other, then midnight arrives and Angie flees because she has to take a call from Candace and pretend she was actually working the whole time. Nikolaus vows to find his mystery woman, and after talking to his bff Max (whose story would have been way more interesting to follow, to be honest), he decides that clearly, the most logical thing to do is make a video announcing that he has found the love of his life and he wants to marry this random girl on Christmas Eve, which is something like 3 weeks away.
Meanwhile, Angie goes through the items in his stocking, swooning over how great he is based on a rock, some gum, and his HILARIOUS "I ate the world's hottest pepper and all I got was this lousy" t-shirt. "He's PERFECT!" she exclaims. BUT when she sees his video and goes to talk to him (he's a client of theirs), he's a gigantic jerk who's obsessed with himself and does the whole "I know I love her because I meet A LOT of women and it's SO RARE that any woman actually manages to catch my attention" thing. Dude, please. Anyway, Angie hints (not at all subtly) at the fact that she's his mystery woman, and he misses every single cue because he's apparently a self-absorbed blockhead now. Can we stop pretending that wearing a mask over part of your face makes you completely unrecognizable? Good grief. She even points out that through the business, they've actually met before, and he never remembered her. She's not having any of his crap and she leaves. At this point, I was so ready for her to just be like, "well THAT was a huge waste of time" and fall in love with Max instead, but sadly, that's not the case.
Instead, what ensues is a rather inconsistent mess of things. First, Candace finds out that it's Angie who Nikolaus is searching for. Like the awful person she is, she decides SHE wants Nikolaus (or his fortune, anyway), and she starts blackmailing Angie to pretend Candace was the one he met at the ball. Angie goes back to pining for Nikolaus once she realizes someone else wants him, and it's as if the whole altercation she had with him never happened. Nikolaus decides to go ahead and marry Candace anyway, despite the fact that he can't actually stand her and also his mumsy hates her guts. The wedding plans begin, and Nikolaus and Angie start talking and getting along more, which makes Candace jealous. There's a scene where Candace forces Angie to talk in her ear and tell her what to say to Nikolaus, because the Cyrano de Bergerac bit hasn't been done to death quite yet.
Anyway, there's a massive amount of pining on both sides, and it culminates with Nikolaus suspecting and then finding out the truth on his own. When he tricks Candace into admitting the truth, she convinces him to still marry her because she points out that even "if" Angie's the one he wanted, she's helping plan his wedding to another woman, so there's no WAY she loves him the way Candace totally does. Nikolaus and Angie have a chat that leads to an argument and Nikolaus actually using the line “I’d be different with you because you’re different!” Gag me, please. The wedding day arrives, and Angie's fed up with Candace's nonsense. She confronts her, tells her off for blackmailing her and stealing Nikolaus, and quits the business, all while the microphone Candace is wearing for some reason has been turned on and all the wedding's attendees (minus the groom) listen in. Candace doesn't know this yet, so she locks Angie out on the terrace, but Nikolaus comes in and tricks her again by telling her he’s giving up his inheritance, which obviously she does NOT like. He calls the wedding off, and mumsy tells him he can have his inheritance without getting married now, because he was willing to give it up. Yay, money!
After being let back in by Max (again, they should have just run away together, seriously), Angie goes home and finds her uncle and Candace, who says she's sorry so of course all is forgiven. I guess being a terrible human being for years on end, blackmailing, controlling, and bullying someone, taking credit for someone else’s hard work, and trying to deceive and marry a man for his money can all be resolved by saying you’re sorry and having a one minute conversation about it that ends with hugging. Yay, happy family! Then Nikolaus shows up and Candace is suddenly head cheerleader for Team Angilaus...Nikgie? Whatever. Anyway, sappy dialogue ensues and he proposes to her. Like, literally on the same day he was all set to marry Candace out of spite because Angie didn’t TELL him to call off a wedding to a woman he doesn’t love, so Angie must not have loved him. Watch out, ladies, we've got ourselves a real winner over here. Good life choices, Nikolaus. You’ve come a long way. Totally deserving of that inheritance.
The film closes on a shot of their Christmassy wedding, which I’m hoping and praying took place the NEXT year, but let’s be real, they totally got married that same day because at this point, why WOULDN’T they?
THE GOOD:
The acting wasn’t terrible. The script was pretty terrible, but the acting wasn’t, especially considering how little they had to work with. Even though it was ridiculous, I was invested all the way to the end. I mean, I did keep watching in hopes there would be a random twist that would make it better, and that never happened, but still. Good job, actors.
The outfits were pretty good.
THE BAD:
I mean. I would have been VERY okay with the story taking an unexpected twist, as previously mentioned. I was disappointed it did not. Even though I fully understood it would not.
I literally gagged at the amount of “she’s not like other girls” moments.
Dialogue. So. Cheesy. “I want to know everything” (about you), Nikolaus says. “There’s not much to know about me,” Angie says, blushing. It’s bad fanfiction come to life.
Nikolaus never got called out for his terrible behavior. Also, why is his name spelled ‘Nikolaus’? Is it fancier? I think it’s just pretentious.
Character development was mediocre at best. Everyone was so inconsistent throughout, except for Candace who was consistently AWFUL and then was suddenly redeemed in two seconds after doing nothing to deserve it.
Has there ever been a couple in the history of the world who met, fell in love, and got engaged in less than 3 weeks, and went on to have a successful, life-long marriage? No, really, I want to know.
OVERALL RATING:
★★★☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
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