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Oh Boy, Those Darn Millennials...



All right. Usually, I wouldn’t bother responding to an article like the one above. The person (or people) who wrote it is/are clearly quite bitter toward my generation, and nothing I say is likely to change that. That’s fine. Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and there are actually a few things within this article that I could agree with, but overall, the MASSIVE generalizations it makes are ridiculous. Moreover, some of its points are unnecessarily snotty, completely hypocritical, and/or false, and it got me fired up enough to write about it.

Let’s break it down.

Before even getting to the content itself, on the right-hand side of the intro page, there is a blurb entitled “About Offbeat” that states (ANDIQUOTE), “Need a smile or a laugh? Offbeat will turn your day around with an uplifting dose of hilarious, heartwarming, awwww, and awesome. We bring you the cutest baby animals, the funniest photos, the most on-point tweets, the best Pinterest fails, the most viral videos, and the most feel-good family moments.” ON THE SAME PAGE, the introduction to the article states the following:  “If there’s one group of people who have ruined everything, it’s definitely the millennials. These entitled, spoiled brats have brought the worst aspects of culture into the mainstream.” Uplifting and heartwarming, indeed.

I’d like to pause for a second to point out that Offbeat uses Facebook as one of its main platforms, and they have a page with a little over 272,000 followers. Facebook was created by a man named Mark Zuckerberg. Mark Zuckerberg was born in 1984. The birth year range of the millennial generation is early 1980’s - late 1990’s/early 2000s. Therefore, using basic logic, one would come to the conclusion that Mark Zuckerberg is a millennial. Do I even need to point out the hypocrisy of posting an article about how a specific generation is the worst while also using a platform invented by a member of that generation to spread your bitterness? No? Cool. I should also mention that despite their large number of followers, it looks like most of their posts have less than 20 likes and shares each. Maybe a hint that your content isn’t as high quality as you think it is?

Now, are there members of my generation who act like entitled, spoiled brats sometimes? Sure. There are members of EVERY generation who act like entitled, spoiled brats sometimes. Trust me when I tell you, having worked in the service industry for 8+ years, that entitled, spoiled brat syndrome is definitely not exclusive to the millennial generation, and neither are many of the things mentioned in this article. I’d say that a vast majority of the millennials I’ve come across are actually very kind, smart, talented, driven individuals. We don’t all fit into the microscopic box you’ve created for us.

(Sidenote: while it’s titled ‘25 Things Millennials Think are Cool’, there are over 50 things listed. Props on the accurate title, there. Anyway, I skipped over a few and gave up after a while because it was getting redundant.)

Slide 1: man buns. Sure, it’s true that some guys pull off the look better than others. Honestly, though, who cares? It’s a hairstyle. Moving on.

Slide 2: Snapchat filters; as if you needed a reason to take more pictures of yourself. WOW, somebody’s bitter about selfies. Are some of the filters ridiculous? Sure. But they’re also fun, and they harm no one. Also, if you think millennials are the only ones who ever use them or find them amusing, you are quite wrong. Just ask my aunts, uncles, and grandma…

Slide 3: fancy Starbucks drinks; coffee used to be cheap and wholesome and now millennials have ruined it. Okay, I can kind of get behind this one. Kind of. Some of those things are just obnoxious, and way too expensive to be worth it. However, ordering one doesn’t make you a bad person, and also, regular coffee still exists and is still quite affordable. Over time, inflation causes the prices of things like gas, food, and coffee to go up, so of course, now it costs a bit more than it did back when you first started drinking it...but I digress.

Slide 4: avocado toast (or avocado anything else); avocado should only be in guacamole, not on everything else! Um. Avocados are delicious and healthy. I would eat them in a plane, I would eat them on a train, I would eat them here or there, I would eat them ANYWHERE. Have you ever tried avocado toast? Because...it’s really not that different from putting guac on a chip. Avocado + crunchy thing made from wheat. Just saying.

Slide 5: hipster facial hair. Why do you care so much what people’s hair looks like? Jeez.

Slide 6: adult onesies. Sure, if you’re in any sort of professional setting, it’s probably not the most appropriate thing to wear, but if you’re not, or you’re just sitting around your own home, why does it matter?

Slide 7: craft drinks; wonder why you’re paying $10 for a bottle of brew? Wonder no more. Look. The reason that some craft beer bottles cost $10 is because they generally a) taste better than most mass-produced beer and b) take more time, effort, and money to produce than most mass-produced beer. No one is forcing you to buy the expensive stuff.

Slide 9: vaping; just when you thought you were finally safe from clouds of smoke when they banned smoking at restaurants, they invent vaping. Vape = vapor. It is not smoke. It does not smell bad. It does not linger in the air. Also, the modern e-cigarette was invented by a 65-year-old Chinese man.

Slide 10: selfies. What’s your damage, Heather? The concept of the selfie has been around for a long time, it’s just that now, with modern technology, it’s easier to do. Yes, people go a little overboard sometimes, but that percentage of the millennial population is pretty small. And mostly teenage.

Slide 11: any music festival. Um, remember Woodstock, one of the original music festivals? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Not invented by us.

Slide 15: The Chainsmokers; I don’t know who this band is, but they’re ruining the radio. ...if you don’t know who the band is, how do you know they’re ruining the radio?

Slide 16: matcha; I keep thinking I’m getting something with mint in it. Then it turns out to be matcha. Thanks, millennials. How do you not know what you’re purchasing/ordering, and how is your failure to pay attention the fault of an entire generation? Matcha has been part of the traditional Chinese and Japanese tea ceremony for a long time, and it may not be everyone’s cup of tea (pun completely intended), but it’s got a lot of proven health benefits.

Slide 17: tattoos everywhere. Not just a millennial thing, dude.

Slide 18: Pinterest. Yeah, Pinterest was founded by a few millennial dudes. Who went to Yale and Columbia. Also, the primary age range of users is 35-44.

Slide 19: memes. In order to express your disdain for memes...you made a meme.

Slide 20: food not served on plates. I have literally never seen that in my life. Ever.

Slide 24: emojis; these millennials really like to show off their “vocabulary” with these emojis. Yeah, we do. They’re fun. It doesn’t mean we don’t also know how to use our words.

Slide 25: Apple watch. Invented by a 50-year-old man. Also, I’ve heard they’re really useful, especially for people who like to track their fitness. You don’t want one, don’t get one.

Slide 26: rose gold everything; you did not invent rose gold, millennials, you just ruined it. How can you ruin a color?

Slide 31: hashtags. The purpose of a hashtag is to be able to easily find similar posts, i.e. when hair stylists tag posts of colors they’ve done with #avedacolor, other stylists and people looking to have their hair done at an Aveda salon can easily find those posts and use them for inspiration. They’re quite useful tools when properly implemented.

Slide 32: Uber. Literally taxis, but even safer and far more GPS-trackable.

Slide 34: brunch; it’s a white girl’s paradise. Oh, yes, because millennial white girls are definitely the only people who have ever gone to brunch.

Slide 35: coconut oil. It can be used in many ways, and even if there aren’t any proven health benefits, as you suggest, it is likely much healthier than frying your food in butter. So.

Slide 38: renting. Because it’s ever so easy and practical to buy a house when you have $40,000+ dollars of college debt hanging over your head. Times are different. Generally, people are now getting married later in life, and not many single people (or even married couples in or freshly out of college) feel the need to own an entire house when renting is easier and more affordable.

Slide 40: socialism. Seriously?

Slide 41: self-made DJs; back in my day, you had to actually be able to read music to call yourself a musician. They don’t call themselves musicians. They call themselves DJs.

Slide 43: online celebrities; hey, YouTube stars and Instagram models...get a real job! Actually, it is a real job. It takes a TON of time and effort in order to earn a living from making YouTube videos. Your lack of understanding doesn’t mean their job is invalid.

Basically, this entire slideshow is nothing more than the bitter rantings of an unhappy non-millennial, and I hope that, whoever they are, they someday realize there are so many more fun, productive things to do than create a 50-something-item list of hatefulness. I hope they find what makes them happy, and I hope all of you do, too.

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